It’s a pleasure to be your cool dad
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Note: I also published this to Medium, and the friend link is here.
Our younger daughter turned to 10 the day before yesterday. And our older daughter is about 4 years older, so basically I have been a dad for a bit over 14 years.
Being dad is not an easy job. Last few years are getting a bit more challenging, as my older one is becoming a teenager, and also with pandemic, we were worried about the lack of social activities etc. Below is some of my observations and thoughts on the topic of “raising kids”, which is my main task or job at this stage of my life. In theory I can do auto pilot too, but I am just not that kind of cool or laid back dad. I was trying to stay away from the other extreme as well: aka the micro-management, or sometimes people call the practice “helicopter parenting”. I am by no means perfect, and I had my setbacks and failures in many aspects, from big to small. I recall in my recent trip to China, we met a dad, and he said he never missed or be late for the morning drop-off for his son (that’s 7 years of no late or tardiness).
I do believe he is a quite dedicated and meticulous dad, for me I tried but I think I failed here and there in terms pickup. Quite a few times: my 14 year old would text – dad, where are you? I would answer: 5 minutes away. And honestly sometimes I don’t know whether it’d going to be 5 or 10 minutes. But for the most part, my 14 year old still thinks I am a cool dad. And sometimes if I am not cool, she would say: chill 🙂
Adolescent / adolescence:
I have some reflections here on this topic, see below
Ankle Injury And Recovery – 从哪里摔倒就从哪里爬起来
Move Families And Kids To Better School Community
My Zhenhai Middle School Days我在镇海中学的日子
PS, corresponding to this Zhenhai Middle School; 镇海中学) piece above: I felt this summer our 14 year old seriously got into the math self-study. She wanted to do the math acceleration even since she got this idea from her 8th grade math teacher, and she was working hard on it since our summer 2024 China trip). From my perspective, I have zero complaints, and the main thing I need to remind her is “don’t sit in your room” for too long, go out and stretch, and “get some sleep” 🙂
(Update 08-09-2024 am) In terms of self motivation, and learn math on her own, I felt our 14 year old is at “friction point of the clutch“. But this morning, the hell broke loose. I think at about 6:10 or 6:20 am, I got up and heard my 14 year old sobbing. I didn’t go and ask why (as I know that alone may make things worse). Turns out she was studying for the math acceleration, and she planned to go to bed at 12 am last night, and again to get up at 2 am and study – except she didn’t woke up to the alarm. She slept through. I know she really could get some more sleep in last month, because she is exhausted studying math most of this time. I went out and was going to walk/jog in the neighborhood – but I had my 2nd thoughts and quickly came back home and went to Bread Co. and get some breakfast. A while later, I asked our 10 year old – did big sis wake you up early morning? Our younger daughter replied: yes, at 6:52 am, because I looked at the clock 🙂
So there is our 14 year old’s growing pain. Not to mention I dropped her off the high school (for test), and came back getting banana/water for her 🙁
I am not complaining actually – I think in terms of I enjoy what I am doing, if I compare myself to an empty nester: a lot of my high school or college mates are empty nester now, because I had my 14 year old when I was 39. But one day if I get lucky enough to be an empty nester, I would try to be happy too – just need to find something meaningful or interesting to fill my day.
(Update 08-09-2024 pm) So our 14 year old didn’t pass the day 2 session of the math acceleration (Advanced Geometry). But I am glad she is not giving up. She said: I am going to get the Algebra 2 book and study this year (aiming for a similar acceleration next summer). We just ordered the used book at eBay.
Each kid is different
What a novel concept or idea. Of course we know everyone is different, and child is no different. But at the same time, may I ask: don’t we used to do things like: for a guy (or a girl) with hammer, everything is a nail. No? Congrats that you already do much better than many other parents.